Things I’ve Learned Vol. 1 | Christmas Crack (aka. Clodhoppers)

1.When you’re eating a single lady dinner (read: frozen dinner), always enjoy your dinner on a fancy plate. This will help you to feel less bad about yourself/pathetic for a) eating by yourself, and b) eating microwaved crap when you should have been less lazy and made yourself something respectable to eat. Your fridge is full of groceries, after all.

2. When you decide that it’s a good idea to wait until the week before Christmas to start your Christmas shopping, be prepared to get feisty. People get crazy. I went to Costco recently and people were taking the line-ups for the samples a wee bit too seriously. I actually witnessed two people almost get into a fight about who got there first. Dudes, if you’re going to get that worked up about a sample of cheese, then you’ve got bigger problems on your hands. Seek help. Immediately.

3. It’s not a very smart idea to wait until the week before the big day to start your Christmas shopping.

4.Christmas baking is a lot of fun. Delicious fun at that. And you can dance around to annoying Christmas songs spilling flour and sugar and sprinkles everywhere while you do it. Unfortunately the fun suddenly comes to a halt when you have 14 dozen cookies in your freezer, beckoning you to eat them at all hours of the day and night. Thankfully, most people enjoy Christmas cookies and will gladly take a couple dozen off of your hands. Baking also makes a great gift. Right?

5. We should all poach chickens more often. Whole chickens. As in, stick ’em in a pot, cover ’em with water, add veggies and herbs and simmer away until you’ve got the most tender chicken that’s ever passed your lips. You’ll be left with a whack of chicken (for use in soups, salads, pasta, whatevs) and a serious helping of homemade chicken broth. Win! Seriously. Do it. I followed these guidelines.

Single Lady Dinner/Poached Chicken

6. Nearly every Christmas song recorded after 1995 is terribly annoying. Have you noticed that every song is about love, or asking Santa to shoot you with Cupid’s arrow, bring your love back to you, or some variation of the two? Newsflash peeps! There is no Santa Claus. And if there actually was a jolly old fat guy who could fly around the entire world on a sleigh pulled by magical reindeer in one night, eat billions of cookies, and slide down chimneys and leave us all everything we wished for, I’m pretty sure there wouldn’t be so many weird single people in this world. Me included.

7. Is anyone looking for a weird girlfriend? I’ll bring cookies.

8. If you make the following recipe, you won’t regret it.

Warning: I have discovered edible crack. Just 4 ingredients come together to create a highly addictive sweet snack. This recipe was shared by a lovely coworker of mine (hi E!) who brought said edible crack to a cookie exchange I attended last weekend. Clodhoppers is the real name, but after one taste of this stuff, you’ll agree that it’s as addictive as crack. Not that I have any personal experience with the stuff (seriously). Make it. Eat it. Enjoy it.

Christmas Crack (aka. Clodhoppers)

1 cup white chocolate pieces

1/2 cup dried cranberries

1/4 cup slivered almonds

2 heaping cups of Graham Crackers cereal

In a medium bowl, combine the cereal, cranberries, and almonds. In a double boiler over medium heat, melt the chocolate. Pour the melted chocolate over the cereal mixture, and toss until evenly coated. Roughly spread the mixture (but leave lots of clumps!) on a baking sheet lined with wax paper and throw the whole shebang into the freezer for about 10-15 minutes (to set). Remove from the freezer and break into chunks. Package in festive Christmas bags to give away, or toss into a bowl to enjoy yourself. Start researching rehab programs near you. 😉

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